I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
