should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
