so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
