wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
