Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
