I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want her autograph on my taint
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
