every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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