whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
