Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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