they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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