what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
