I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
