Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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