do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
