I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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