Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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