its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
