she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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