i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize