Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
