i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
