Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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