Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
