well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
