i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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