I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
