And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize