How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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