so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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