Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the condom got lost in my hair
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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