yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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