yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
