Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
