I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
