you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
