I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
