when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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