I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
