I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
