i already hear my dad disowning me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
