I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
