My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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