his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
