he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
