K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
