i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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