Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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