That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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