I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
