Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
