Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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