Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
