gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
