just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
