My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
