just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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