bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
