I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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