He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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