I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
