I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
