i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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