Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
