I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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