My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
are you so shy because you have an std?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
