that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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